Analysis: What parents need to teach college students to prevent campus sexual assault

Clear Conversations Can Help Students Navigate Campus Safety

Sandego.net – Recent allegations involving fraternity houses near the University of Chicago have again drawn attention to the persistent danger of sexual assault on college campuses. Two women said this month that they were assaulted at fraternity homes near the university. Their accounts follow similar allegations connected to the University of Arizona and Cornell University, part of a much broader problem affecting students across the country.

The scale is sobering. A 2020 revised report from the Association of American Universities found that nearly 26% of women and almost 7% of men experience nonconsensual sexual contact while in college. Institutions have a responsibility to make campuses safer and respond effectively when harm occurs. Families also have an important role: talking plainly with students before they arrive on campus and continuing those conversations throughout college.

Respect for boundaries begins early

Lindsay Lieberman, a Washington, DC, attorney who represents sexual-assault survivors, says the groundwork should not begin during move-in week. Children can learn from an early age that they control their own bodies, that other people’s limits matter, and that respect is not optional.

For many parents, though, the discussion becomes harder when it turns to dating, hookups, parties and alcohol. Vague reminders to “be careful” do not give students much practical guidance. Young adults need direct language about consent, pressure, intoxication and what to do when they see a friend in an unsafe situation.

Students of every gender can benefit from taking time to know someone before becoming intimate. Familiarity does not eliminate risk, but it can make communication clearer and reduce the chance that one person misunderstands another’s words or signals.

“One-time hookups are messy and complicated,” Lieberman said. “There’s lots of room for miscommunication.”

Students should be encouraged to pursue relationships only with people they value and treat with care. That standard is not about judging consensual choices; it is about recognizing that another person’s comfort, autonomy and wishes must always be central.

Consent must be active, voluntary and ongoing

Many young women grow up receiving the message that they should be pleasant, avoid disappointing others and put someone else’s feelings ahead of their own. In intimate situations, students need to understand that their own wants matter. They may decline intimacy for any reason, and they may change their mind at any point. No one is owed an explanation, apology or second chance to persuade them.

Likewise, every student should seek clear, positive consent before sexual activity. Consent is not silence, reluctance, surrender after repeated requests or the absence of physical resistance. It cannot be given by a person who is too impaired by alcohol or drugs to make an informed decision.

Alcohol is involved in most nonconsensual sexual encounters on college campuses. That makes planning especially important before parties begin, not only after someone is already intoxicated. A person who says yes while visibly unable to stand, communicate clearly or understand what is happening is not providing meaningful consent.

“If somebody says ‘yes,’ and they’re falling all over themselves, that doesn’t mean they’re consenting,” Lieberman said.

A no must end the interaction immediately. So must body language or behavior indicating discomfort: turning away, trying to leave, pushing someone back, avoiding contact or appearing uneasy. Those signs are not invitations to negotiate, persist or “try harder.”

“Pressuring somebody to say ‘yes’ is not consent,” Lieberman said.

Coercion can occur when someone keeps pushing after the other person has expressed discomfort or refusal, until that person finally gives in. Compliance obtained through pressure is not the same as freely given consent.

Party plans should include looking out for others

Parents can also help students make a concrete safety plan before a night out. Friends can agree to arrive together, check in during the evening and leave together when possible. They can discuss whether they expect to return to their own rooms and make a commitment to contact one another if plans change.

These conversations work best when they are practical rather than punitive. Students may be more willing to seek help when they know they will be supported instead of shamed for drinking, attending a party or making a decision they regret.

Fraternity settings warrant particular attention. Members of fraternities commit more sexual violence than people in non-fraternity populations. Pressure to conform to masculine norms and the objectification of women may contribute to that increased risk. Students can consider attending social events in other settings or choosing coed fraternities, which may present lower risks of sexual violence.

No location is automatically safe, however. Students should pay attention when a friend appears unusually intoxicated, disoriented or unlike themselves. If someone is leaving with a person they do not know and seems too impaired to consent, bystanders can step in. Offering to walk the person home, calling a trusted friend, finding other companions or staying nearby can interrupt a potentially dangerous situation.

Intervention does not have to be dramatic. A friend can create a reason to leave, ask whether the person is okay, or bring in others for support. The goal is to make sure no one is isolated when they may be unable to protect themselves.

A continuing conversation, not a one-time warning

Preventing campus sexual assault requires more than a single talk before college starts. Parents can revisit these issues without lecturing: ask how a student’s social environment feels, whether they know campus support options, and what they would do if a friend needed help. Students should know they can call home after a difficult night without fearing blame.

College communities must do more to prevent violence and hold offenders accountable. But families can help students enter campus life with language for consent, confidence in their right to set boundaries, and a shared expectation that friends look out for one another. Those lessons can make a meaningful difference long before a student walks into a party or begins a relationship.