Are you contributing to ‘maternal invisibility’? How to stop
Are you contributing to ‘maternal invisibility’? How to stop
Katherine’s summer pregnancy brought a subtle but noticeable change in how others interacted with her. Strangers began touching her growing belly without consent, and in medical settings, health workers referred to her as ‘mama’ instead of using her name. These moments, she realized later, marked the beginning of her feeling overlooked as a person. Her identity as a dedicated friend, devoted spouse, and passionate theatergoer seemed to fade, replaced by the notion that her role was solely to nurture the unborn child.
After giving birth, the shift deepened. “I told my husband I felt like my worth had changed,” Katherine said. “You’re almost forgotten. My daughter is perfect, and I want everyone to adore her. But I endured nine months of carrying her and the physical toll of labor—yet it’s all about the baby now.” Some even bluntly stated, “It’s not about you anymore.” During visits, family and friends often neglected to assist with daily tasks, too engrossed in admiring the infant.
“People become almost baby-obsessed, and they forget the parents—especially the mother,” said Chelsey Cox, a South Carolina-based mother of three. Her viral Instagram reel and TikTok from February 2026, titled “Do not offer to babysit,” captured frustration over others prioritizing the child over the needs of new parents.
Maternal invisibility in a digital age
The phenomenon extends beyond personal interactions. Social media platforms often showcase videos where aunts and grandparents crowd around the baby, ignoring the parents. Even video calls are sometimes cut short when the focus shifts to the child. “They say they’re just joking or celebrating, but even well-intended comments can feel dismissive,” noted Siobhán Alvarez-Borland, a postpartum doula in metro Atlanta. “It erodes a parent’s sense of community and self-worth.”
Alvarez-Borland emphasized that awareness is key to addressing this issue. “Recognizing how our actions might reinforce maternal invisibility helps us be more thoughtful,” she said. “It also challenges the unspoken bias that assumes postpartum care is only about the baby, not the parent.”
Why do people prioritize the baby?
Some mothers, like Cox, confront the behavior directly. “We’re no longer friends,” Cox said, after a girlfriend dismissed her postpartum struggles in favor of praising the child. Others feel too hesitant to voice their concerns, fearing judgment for emphasizing their own needs. “It’s normal to be captivated by a baby’s charm,” Alvarez-Borland acknowledged. “But when that fascination overshadows the parent, it becomes a problem.”
Dr. Caitlyn Collin highlighted that these patterns often reflect sexist patriarchal values. “Even when women are the ones doing the dismissing, they’re still reinforcing the idea that mothers are secondary to their children,” she explained. The result is a societal norm that consistently undervalues the mother’s role in the parenting process.
